24 years ago today

24 years ago today my angel Natalia made her appearance in this world…

Natalia heart

she only lived here for 29 days but what I would give to just have one of those days back…like when Tabitha her big sister all of 18 months old held her for the longest time on the ratty red velvet chair and they both smiled…sigh…Happy birthday Natalia Tatianna…you are dearly missed!

natalia-n-tabitha

good works sewing

during my leave of absence I was able to accomplish a bit of sewing…

wee preemie boy lovies with a few added goodies…one of my favorite 5 and dime stores is closing…unfortunately this is where I go to get all the wee baby brush sets…I’m slowly trying to buy out all the baby goodies they still have…these are on their way to God’s Tiny Angels in WV
wee preemie girl sets of goodies with sweet monkey lovies. these are on their way to God’s Tiny Angels in WV
extra lovies for preemie girls and a boy one to boot. these are on their way to God’s Tiny Angels in WV

some sewing for angels

6 wee little boy buntings made for tiny miscarriages, these are flannel on both sides with satin bows.  they are about 6.5 inches tall and 3-4 inches wide after being tied.  this pattern was found for free at

http://sewmuchtosharedaviscounty.blogspot.com these will eventually be shipped out to God’s Tiny Angels in West Virginia March 11th 2013

3 wee little girl buntings made for tiny miscarriages, these are flannel on both sides with satin bows. they are about 6.5 inches tall and 3-4 inches wide after being tied. this pattern was found for free at

http://sewmuchtosharedaviscounty.blogspot.com these will eventually be shipped out to God’s Tiny Angels in West Virginia March 11th 2013

little pile of Teeny Tears diapers

http://teenytears.blogspot.com/ destined for St. Mary’s Community Hospital in Nebraska City NE March 11th 2013

batch of small Teeny Tears Diapers

http://teenytears.blogspot.com/ all ready to package and ship Match 10th 2013

some wee Friday eve sewing

Sewing up some teeny diapers last night…these ones are 18 week + gestation sized…very wee indeed…completed 10 sets and 12 cute little singles.  Some flannel from fat quarter sets from JoAnn fabric some from yummy fat quarters purchased at Heavenly Patchwork in Waconia. The patterns for these sweet teeny diapers can be found for free at: http://teenytears.blogspot.com/ . About half of these sets will be going to God’s Tiny Angels in West Virginia and the rest will be joining the pile for the next hospital I adopt. The singles will be sent to Teeny Tears January 17th 2013

These singles fit perfect on Jazmin’s fingers.  Some of these flannels are so stinkin cute! January 17th 2013

waiting room bonnets

Waiting room bonnets…manages to complete 5 wee burial bonnets while sitting in assorted waiting rooms…all by hand of course…they offer wi-fi but no place for me to set up my machine…lol…wasn’t till I got home and ironed them that I noticed on has the ribbons in the wrong orientation…how ever I think it’s still a usable bonnet…pattern can be located for free at: http://www.sewingforbabies.com/Patterns/Angel%20Wing%20Burial%20Bon…

No idea where these will be going but I’m sure they will be put to good use. January 10th 2013

contacting hospitals

well, here are the hospitals I’ve contacted today via email regarding teeny tears diapers…there are no hospitals or organization in in Minnesota who receive these wee diapers for grieving families yet…I think it’s time! let’s hope I get some sort of reply…I’ll just keep sewing til then!

hospital

emailed

http://www.childrensmn.org/

Children’s hospital & Clinics

12-11-12
http://www.hcmc.org/ HCMC 12-11-12
http://www.regionshospital.com/rh

Regions Hospital St. Paul

12-11-12
http://essentiahealth.org/EssentiaHealthStMarysChildrensHospital/FindaClinic/Essentia-HealthSt-Marys-Childrens-Hospital-150.aspx

Essentia Health St. Mary’s Children’s Hosp Duluth

12-11-12
http://www.uofmchildrenshospital.org/Specialties/NICU/index.htm

U of M Amplatz Children’s Hosp

12-11-12

love the smell of Flannel in the morning

Fresh Flannel from JoAnn Fabrics…eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…don’t cha just love taking your fabulous new fabric out of the bag, spreading it out, and contemplating what it’s soon to become?!? Me too! I see piles of wonderfully colored diapers teeny and teenier!  Have a couple boy monkeys to make this weekend then it’s back to diaper sewing for Teeny Tears and God’s Tiny Angels…I can’t decide which fabrics I like the best…the tie dye lines with dark purple with be wonderful bur then there’s the great flowers lined with bright yellow…best part after making all of these beautiful diapers is the eventual scrap quilt made of all the chunks of flannel left over…Preemie sized for GTA…I think I should just stop sleeping so I can sew at night and work during the day… December 6th 2012

in memory of Natalia

In memory of Natalia Tatianna Grace Edna (those were all her names) we just call her Natalia or Nat

Natalia N Tabitha

I sew these wee teeny diapers thinking of my 2nd beautiful daughter.

In 1988 (had her in 1989) the pregnancy was a surprise which all of my babies were but this one…wow…my 1st daughter Tabitha was all of 9 months old of course in diapers, with bottle in hand not walking yet and wham the stick turned blue…but…hey I had one baby how difficult can another be?

 

Having no medical insurance at the time I went to one prenatal appointment where I was told well you had one healthy baby, this one should be just fine as well, no need for an ultrasound, just take your vitamins yadda yadda yadda…((sigh))

 

Almost right on time perhaps a week early I went into labor. My first baby was about 3 ½ days worth so I really wasn’t looking too forward to this aspect of the adventure; my labor didn’t progress so I was given pitocin to get the show on the road, no one bothered to tell me this might hurt a bit.  Finally the moment came after 11 hours of back labor another sweet baby girl was in the world, but she was purple and had a very quiet breathy cry. To make matters worse I was bleeding quite a bit so was left on the pitocin for another 11 hours. Needlessly to say the breast feeding didn’t happen since I couldn’t sit up for the pain. When I finally held my tiny daughter she was less purple but not by much, we were told she had a heart murmur and a little jaundice and we were sent home. Still without insurance and concerns I had about my baby’s weak cry, not wanting to eat, and not sleeping well was just put to me being an over anxious mommy…

 

After 28 days of seeing my baby loose weight, and basically being told to calm down and change formulas I brought my baby to the ER, mind you still no insurance, we were left in the waiting room for almost an hour until a man with a huge cut to his hand was called and he told the nurse my baby could take his turn. Natalia was turning blue, the jaundice wore off and my baby was blue. While we sat and waited for the doctor to see her she finally drank a full 4 ounces of formula…I was elated…little did I know…

 

They did a chest X-ray thinking perhaps my asthma was passed on to Nat, it wasn’t. My tiny daughter who lived this long had only half of a heart, half of her heart never developed. This deadly defect sounds like a slight murmur looks much worse; Natalia had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.  As we live in a farming community with just a regulation hospital at the time, my baby was bundled up and sent to Children’s Hospital & Clinics in Minneapolis where we learned even more devastating news.  Her defect was fatal if left untreated and we were actually told we could just let our baby die if we wanted to…um…let that sink in…let my baby die?!? Is that really an option?!?  Then we were told had we insurance Natalia could be put on a waiting list for a new heart but since she was so small and had struggled for 28 days out of the womb there was no real hope a heart would arrive in time.  Then onto option # 3: surgery with a 30% chance of survival. Well we chose door # 3. After a very long but basically successful surgery we got to see our super tiny baby again. She was no longer blue, in fact she had pink little cheeks, and she was beautiful. Even with the machines, tubes, and the owie running down her chest, she was perfect in my eyes.  We were pulled to one side and told they couldn’t stabilize her after the surgery, she had tried to survive untreated too long. After 2 hours of them all trying to stabilize Natalia, she slipped away on her 29th day of life having never opened her eyes again.

 

We waited patiently in a little room to say good bye to Natalia, so tiny, she finally arrived, no more tubes no screaming machines, just her with her Kewpie doll curl of black hair, her tiny nose, perfect chin, rose bud lips in a massive t-shirt, probably newborn but by now she had shrunk to less than 4 pounds, almost swallowed up in a big warm blanket. It was hard to find her tiny hands and feet so I could count her tiny perfect fingers and toes one last time.

 

She was quite teeny, thankfully my older daughter had a baby doll almost the same size as Natalia, so I took off the tiny flannel nightgown and sent it to the funeral home with a diaper for her to wear for the viewing.  The diaper was massive even being a newborn size, had I thought of it I would have sewn up a tiny diaper, I had all the ingredients but go figure I didn’t think of it till much later.

 

Now so many years later, I’m a mom to 2 beautiful adult daughters and 2 gorgeous grandchildren.  All healthy! I witnessed my grandbabies born, pudgy pink and screaming…such a sound of rejoice! With every new pregnancy I have the same worries about their hearts, thankfully with my youngest daughter I got an ultrasound to look right at her heart so I knew it was all there and in working order.  We did the same with the grand kids…better safe than sorry!

 

I’ve been sewing for a group called God’s Tiny Angels http://godstinyangels.com based in West Virginia for oh 3 or so now.  We sew for at risk preemies and newborns across the country, also making burial outfits and blankets for the teeny babies that don’t survive.  I’ve also made Angel Pockets, a tiny square blanket of flannel with a built in pocket to hold tiny stillborns that I send to HCMC here in Minnesota as well as God’s Tiny Angels.  I found Teeny Tears almost by accident when I say it noted on a friends blog.  All I can say is THANK YOU too all the angel families who make these teeny diapers for all of the teeny and micro teeny babies to wear so their mommies can count those perfect fingers and toes before saying good bye.

 

~Elaine, Mommy of an Angel

ready to package teeny diapers

Received my cards via email for the wee diapers today http://teenytears.blogspot.com/

…they are lovely…already printed a few of each on card stock so I can start assembling sets over the long weekend.

So neat that each set of diapers will be in memory of Natalia…I think of all the wonderful ladies in my life that have miscarried, had stillborns or wee infants that have passed away soon after being born…all of those babies live on in their mom’s hearts forever…Oh if I could give each one a tiny diaper to remember their sweet angels…well actually I have noticed that in my cutting and sewing I will have a tiny pile of singles…perhaps I’ll start handing them out to mommies I know! I’ve already adopted a hospital, Banner Churchill Community Hospital in Fallon Nevada. I’ll be sending out 10 sets (20 diapers) five 28 week gestation and five 18 week gestation sizes…think I’ll aim for 6 of each so there are even numbers of girlie ones and boy ones.  Hoping to get in contact with the hospital I had my babies at to see if I can adopt it to bring teeny diapers to.  Can you believe there are no hospitals in Minnesota that receive these wonderful donations? Color me shocked…no idea what shade that is…I want to donate to my home state as well as any other I possibly can J Welcome to Thanksgiving eve…will be sewing on Black Friday…HA!