Happy B-day Stephermini


(We were both blinded by the sun)


I heard this song on the radio and it reminded me of us

All piled in the Yugo as if it were a bus.


Music blasting, kids whining, the heat of summer flowing through the only windows as we were off to the blood bank…for naught!


We were SO poor but so happy when we were all together!


The moments we were apart either from madness, distance or addiction

I always thought of you!

What would Jesus do?!? What would Stephermini have to say about that?


Over 20 years we’ve been friends,
And not even once coming to an end.

We’ve stuck together like bread and peanut butter, jelly, Pringles, cheezits.
One is not complete without the other.

We’ve shared many laughs & we’ve shared many tears
But I think that’s made us strong throughout these years.


But hey! Here’s to your birthday!

I’m still 6 entire months older than you…


I reached middle age 1st.

But I still feel like we’re merely 20!


 Happy Birthday Dear Stephermini!


missed Natalia

Lovely Natalia
Walking in circles
I lay my head upon the urn
of cold uncaring stone
mumbling innocence
into the smooth reflectiveness
that glimpses at my tears
that threaten to slip by
in intervals.

Violent yet secretive
shudders corrode me
smiling like a star
in the bright morning.

Holding on to my fingers
in fear of collapse
I sing a song
that no one hears
not because I sing it low
it is an internal melody
that rings
like a bizarre expression
that help my spirit
as you fell
out of my arms, out of my control
out of my life..

I shed a tear
running down my cheek
in vain
wiping my illusion
to a nakedness.

You fell in an abyss
where I cannot reach.

All I can do
pinch myself bloody
wake from this intolerable
hoping you would regain life
from my internal melody.

Ode to baby spice


Whiskers suddenly still

Labored breathing quiet

Suffering over

Blessed peacefulness finally attained

This beloved companion beastie

There, through good times and bad

Always keen to listen to countless thoughts

Hugging, snuggling, wee rat kisses

Such happiness from such a tiny soul

Such sadness at the fast decline in rodent health

Such a fast little life you lead

Such wonderful memories of you

Such a loss at your passing to the next plane

You will be so missed…

Sweet Spice Baby.


Thursday, January 18, 2007



I see your eyes.


I see your eyes!


Here I am at work…

Trying really hard to keep ‘on task’

As it were


But, every time I close one program to open yet another

I see you…


Your beautiful blue eyes

Staring acceptingly


Back at me


And all I want to do is go home and wait for you

So I can hold your sweet bony body

Once again


Ah, ‘Parting is such sweet sorrow’

Cha!  You don’t know the half of it.


My mind is full to over flowing with

Thoughts of you

Of the girls

Of sweet Oliver

Of bills, geck could live without those thoughts.


As soon I punch in here…I count the moments

Till, I can be home with my family again.

Even when the air is ripe with angst and poopy diapers

At least I feel whole…


Thus I save and close this poem…and I’ll be looking into your eyes again!

Eight and a half hours is such agony…

Holy Testical Tuesday!


The smudgy clouds stained the early morning sky as if drawn by a drunken left-hander with soft charcoal.

The wind hissing through the not quite closed widows brought in occasional wafting wet smells of decomposition laid bare be the melting snows.

The painfully censored Wal-mart heavy metal did little to quiet my thoughts as I crossed the half way bridge and the morning pill pain hit.

Ugh…driving a bit too fast on the gravel road, one arm clutched across my chest, gritting my teeth, by the time I get to the pavement in 2 miles the pain should subside…wonder if it will ever just not subside?

Poems, sweet or sickly always hit me on the way to work…the nine miles so often driven I could do it in a coma…radio blasting, looking at the sky brightening, knowing I won’t see it again for 8 ½ hours…hoping I don’t run over anyone…that would really wreck my day!

Curve by the grave yard, look at the perfect tree, turn on the turn signal, listen to the wee dink-dink-dink, sigh, turn in, park, turn off the beast unless of course it stalls once again…here I am, ready to fill my head with too much information that in the long run means little to me or the world at large…

Another 2Zdae has begun.


Fishing with my man



Oh to fish with you!

I now so love fishing…

I can’t wait to do it again!


The lake shimmering

The breeze blowing wee translucent clouds

In front of the sun

The bugs humming, close, some times too close

Birds sing, chortling, tweeting…


I look up occasionally to see you looking back

You star filled eyes boring into mine

You love me!

And you love fishing


Fishing with me

Though I have no pole, no bait no hook

Instead I go fishing with you

With paint and glue or a book.


Just to be near you is enough

I’ll be a great fisher chick

Without a catch to my name

Other than you!


Thus I paint and glue, read and contemplate

While you smoke, cast, and reel


If nothing else we’ve a can or 2

Of tuna…

We can still have fish for dinner

Love you sweet fisher-Jim!


Then no words seem appropriate

When No Words Seem Appropriate

I won’t say, “I know how you feel” – because I don’t.
I’ve lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends,
but the child I lost was so young, just begun.

Your child was with you for a long time, but never long enough.
So how can I say I know how you feel?

I won’t say, “You’ll get over it” –
because you won’t.
Life will have to go on.
The washing, cooking, cleaning, the common routine.
These chores will take your mind off your lovely child,
but the hurt will still be there.
You may hear all these platitudes from your friends and relatives.
They think they are helping.
They don’t know what else to say.
You will find out who your true friends are at this time.
Many will avoid you because they can’t face you.
Others will talk about the weather,
the holidays and the school concert
but never about how you’re coping.

So what will I say?

I will say, “I’m here. I care. Anytime. Anywhere.”
I will talk about your wonderful child.
We’ll laugh about the good memories.
I won’t mind how long you grieve.
I won’t tell you to pull yourself together.
No, I don’t know how you feel – but with sharing,
perhaps I will learn a little of what you are going through.
And perhaps you’ll feel comfortable with me
and find your burden has eased. Try me.

Love Me


Love Me

Love me in the springtime, when all is green and new, and pollen takes over the sky.
Love me in the summer, when the sky is oh so blue, with the heat oppressive and sad.
Love me in the autumn, when the leaves are turning brown, and the mold abounds.
Love me in the winter, when the snow is falling down, and the chill keeps us under the blankets.


Love me in the city, in the grime, pollution and crime.

Love me in the country, where the inbred hate our freakiness.

Love me in the truck, painted and glued with flamboyance.

Love me late at night; wile my snoring saws down a great redwood.

Love me when I’m happy, and even when I’m sad,
Love me when I’m good, or when I’m oh so bad,
Love me when I’m pretty, or if my face is bland,
Love me when I’m on steroids, or if I wheeze.


Love me on the Internet, with your sweet IMs

Love me via email, where your mush never ends.

Love me on the phone, with the constant interruption.

Love me to me face, so I can see you lovely eyes, speaking to my heart.

Love me always, Jim, in the rain or shining sun,
Love me always, Sweetie, after all is said and done,
Love me always, Sugar Lips, until all our life is through,
Love me always, my lovely sensitive freak, for I’ll always be loving you!

No longer Blind


I was so blind

For 4 years I’ve behaved like a normal person

Enjoyed people,

Looked for the silver lining and usually found it

I’ve created

I’ve found joy

I’ve found Companionship

I’ve found Love, happiness acceptance, bliss, fearlessness

Until this day…

I have pretended nothing ever happened.

I tried to forget

I tried to forgive…no small feat.

Now I must face up to what’s about to happen.

Our own evil will once again be free.

My fear is inexplicable

I can’t spell it, draw it or voice it.

I am so afraid.

I want him to have changed.

I want him to have given up on us.

I want him to not blame us.

I want him to leave ALL of us alone.

I want him to realize HIS errors

And never repeat them.

I just want to never see his face again.

I want to eventually behave like a normal person.

I want to not fear who’s on the other side of the door.

I want to not worry about who’s not right in front of me.

My eyes are open again…sadly I am no longer blind.