My cluttered mind

So much to do. So much left to contemplate.  Most of which is on the QT…so I can’t really splash it all over the headlines at the moment. Let’s just say my address will be changing…for the better.

Natalia heart

I’d really like to sit at the sewing machine and finish the pile of diapers sitting there, or better yet do the top stitching on the stack of receiving blankets.  But I don’t.  I look at the sewing table a mere 6 feet or so from my chair with the piles of flannel and cotton beseeching me to sew and I can’t make myself cross those 6 feet to just do it.  I know once I sit over there I can accomplish the lot of it in a few hours, then I can throw the blankets in the wash and then pin and package the diapers, have those piles completed and out of my mind…it’s those 6 feet of space and the overwhelming jumble of thoughts crowding my mind that keep firmly in my seat watching the TV blindly.

 

monkey madness

monkey madness

What do I keep, what do I donate, what do I give to someone I know, what do I unceremoniously throw away?!?  Have been living in this little death trap for 20 years.  Wow. I type that 20 years and I realize I have aged as healthily as the craptacular abode I’ll soon be escaping with its 70’s linoleum and so many horrible memories.  Do I pack the memories too? Will they slither along with the boxes of books and breakables to take up new residence? Of course they will.  Natalia’s memory came with to this trailer from those apartments.  Oh to just erase all the bad and just keep the good…deal with it, cope with it, accept it…sigh.  I’ve been living with so much tripe taking up space in my mind and heart for so long I’m tired of it.  Oh I’ll hang on to the memory of Nat even if I have to have the memory of her death.  I’d like to totally loose all memory of the first marriage mistake but keep all the memories of the lovely children that occurred because of that union.  I’ll give up the memory of the ridiculous rebound marriage too, but keep the memories of my girls and the birth of the sweet grandson. It’s a shame you can’t have selective memory loss…of course no offence meant to anyone’s anyone suffering from memory loss.

Natalia N Tabitha

See it’s all these stinking memories clogging my mind when I’m busily cramming more stuff in there: appointments to get to, things to remember to ask at said appointments, things to revise, things to do.  Pay the property taxes ASAP, pay the rent, pay the medical bills, oh go to work and be productive so you get paid.  Clean the fish tanks, yeah plural.  Feed Akmed. Feed Helga. Make Shamus’ vet appointment…find out how much that will cost.  Hey that big bag of chopped up monkey bodies…sew those together you freak! Ship out boxes to the 4 corners of the planet…gotta keep acquiring that good Karma, I’ll need it this coming year for sure.

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Lists. Post-its. Scribblings on napkins, envelopes, sketchings of furniture placement, contemplations of decorating in a cool yet not really ‘me’ way.  Can’t be wicked cool…will have to be subdued…ugh…dare I say adult.  Unhappy face.  What of my posters? Yeah, SO juvenile but they are so cool.  My muses to keep me going, the rainbow happiness surrounding me goading me to sew, create, envelope me with busyness…a frappe of color and texture…now white…a blank canvas I can’t paint. So very empty of expression.  What of dangling deals in the windows from the ceiling moving slowly in the air currents that surround the life living there?  Dare I hang the witch’s ball in the window? That I do. Shhhh. Perhaps no one will notice.  But the rest, the wind chimes, the mobiles, the oddness hanging from string will all have to go else where with someone else…or in the trash. Another unhappy face.

Anger

Garage sale of things I really don’t want to see go? How does one price items they still like? I’m probably a hoarder of some sort, without the dead flattened animals under piles of refuse.  I just like weird stuff.  Odd ash trays (I don’t smoke), weird mugs I’ll never drink out of, postcards from places I’ll never go, statues, glass things, stuffed beasties, spooky dolls.  Things I don’t need but I like to have.  I like to look at.  How do I choose?  Do I keep the weird doll mom made in the 70’s, named Ruthie with the blue face Stevie ‘adopted’, or do I keep the black Kewpie doll? If I keep both do I then get rid of the Shamus dog collection? I can easily say good bye to the crockery and silverware, glasses cups rugs, towels nondescript furnishing and appliances we won’t need.  I can even be OK with giving/selling the Halloween collection I won’t have room for, perhaps even the Giraffe family with their friends the rhinos…but my zombie dolls, Oonies and sock monkeys…I just don’t know if I can part with them…they aren’t essential like oxygen, but they make me happy…too damn many thoughts…too damn many things to decide about.  Which books can leave? OMG…don’t get me started on books! They’re as prolific as DVDs, CDs, records, yeah vinyl, even cassettes…OY, guitars…playable ones, ones left to be built, bodies painted fabulous but that no real hope of completion any time soon…do people buy guitar parts at garage sales?  Unhappy face once again…

pained grin xmas 2009

I’m happy to move, happy to live in a solid actual house.  HAPPY damnit.  This is a good thing for all of us.  A really healthy change for all of us, have to get happy about it.  Fresh start, out with old in with the new.  New is so scary though.  Oh no…here come the what-ifs…they suck as much as the thoughts of getting rid of things.  What if this doesn’t go smoothly?  What if we end up hating each other?  What if this causes more stress and friction in this tinderbox of a family?  What if we all don’t bend and cope and accept life together? This can’t possibly go in a perfectly ordered tidy calm way.  Look at us, a family of freaks with our menagerie of freaky pets, all of us on different schedules for every thing, we’re all odd and don’t even blend with each other much less mashing us with another human being who’s a bit less malleable than any of us could hope for.  Well, guess we’ll aim for a forced frappe, blend this family like no other before it.  Now to just teach Shamus to be incredibly happy in a quiet way and set all the TVs to be read rather than heard…this new chapter will prove interesting if nothing else…and I will be happy about it…damnit…slightly less unhappy face

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ugh…enough already

UGH! I am SICK of it! Tired of being the referee, go between, calmer of everyone’s hurt feelings…just STOP IT!!! I get it if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all…UGH…no one would ever speak…I’m not asking for flowery happy smoke to be blown up my ass but c’mon…just ONE STINKING DAY WITHOUT ANGST…is that too much to ask?!? ZIP IT…shut it…close it…if you can’t say anything CIVIL…just SHUT UP…SHUT UP…SHUT UP…ugh…there…I don’t feel any better but it’s all out there…ugh..

almost mess & tiny stitches

This morning I found that the lap desk I use for paper piecing had been knocked onto the floor and hastily picked up and put back upside down…lovely arrangement of all the stuff I use to paper piece though…I can always use a new Wally paper for my computer to make me look forward to going home and piecing once again! October 11th 2010

tiny stitches…I try to get more than 12 per inch when paper piecing by hand…I always paper piece by hand since I’ve a phobia of sewing through my hand/finger/piece of me when working on little stuff…thus far I’ve only rapped my knuckles with the screw holding the needle in place but who wants to take any chances?!? This is the back of a 4 inch square pine tree…

October 11th 2010

been dashing about with my head cut off

I’ve been working on the same block for almost 2 weeks.  Another heart block for my heart quilt.  Usually I could get one block done in a day of hand work interrupted by the regular stuff like wash, the dog, meals…not any more… My oldest daughter got a good job at the same factory I’m the Document Control chick at…good pay (well adequate if you budget) eventual good benefits…she’s working 3rd shift…I’m on 1st…so now my grandson Oliver sleeps at my house Sunday through Thursday…Monday and Tuesday I just take him home with me after picking him up at preschool…Monday both my daughters go to GED classes in Watertown, Tuesday Olie has Speech therapy in Watertown.  Wednesday’s and Thursday’s I take Olie home to his mom till bedtime when I pick him up and take him home with me…thus far it’s working out great…Tab’s working, Olie’s getting to school, I’m working…I think Shamus may even be getting used to the situation…I just haven’t found a way to cram ME into the equation…by the time Oliver’s all snug in his bed I have absolutely NO inclination to sew…I’ll put it on my lap and there it will sit angry and ignored till I finally go to bed. And now I’m just mad at myself…I’ve been leaving everything I love to do undone and

I’ve been letting Olie take his baby (lumpy the TY moose) to school to better cope with the new living situation…he lost Lumpy yesterday…can’t find him anywhere…and of course he is ‘retired’…I found him on Ebay hope to get his replacement QUICK…still pissed at myself! UGH…so now my creative everything is a total mess AND I’m horribly guilty about Lumpy.  Poor Olie.  I know all of this is NO ONE’S fault.  We all just need a little time to get used to everything.  I need to crack the whip on myself to get back to sewing I’m obviously going into withdrawal…and I need to chill on the Lumpy deal…kids loose things even things that mean so much to themselves…sigh… hopefully we can get the replacement Lumpy shipped QUICK so I can quit beating myself up about it…TIE the new one to Oliver so he doesn’t misplace this one…think I’ll even buy an extra one to put away just in case.

Hope to finish mom’s heart this weekend and maybe even start cutting the massive pile of Flannel for baby lovies!
OY!
~Yane the silly putty mommy(pulled in 17 directions)
UPDATE:
from Olie’s teacher:
Hi Elaine,   I stopped in to TKC this morning and they found the moose!  Oliver was also having a good day and he was earning his buttons on his button board.     Have a nice weekend,   N
HAPPY DANCE!

I’m just a bit opinionated!

Man crashes vehicle into Planned Parenthood in St. Paul

ST. PAUL — A man purposely rammed a vehicle into front door of Planned Parenthood in Highland Park.

The incident happened at 7:30 a.m. on Thursday in St. Paul.

A 32-year-old man told St. Paul Police he intentionally drove his SUV into the front door of the Planned Parenthood located at 1965 Ford Parkway in St. Paul.

A spokesperson for Planned Parenthood says one employee was at the front desk ten feet from the door. Most of the staff was in the building preparing to open for the day. No one was injured.

The man was immediately arrested on the scene for aggravated assault.

Planned Parenthood showed a KARE11 crew surveillance tape of the incident. They could not release it due to the ongoing investigation.

The tape shows the man driving his SUV down the sidewalk and clipping a retaining wall before steering into the front door of the clinic. He then backed up, and rammed it two more times. The driver got out of his vehicle and began waving a crucifix. He surrendered to police when they arrived.

KARE 11 crews on the scene say the damage to the building is minimal. There is damage to the trim of the front door from the vehicle.

Planned Parenthood CEO Sarah Stoesz says she is saddened by the incident, and adds that nothing like it has ever happened at the clinic on Ford Parkway. While that clinic is the only one in the Metro area that performs abortions, Stoesz insists that only 5 percent of its patients actually are there for an abortion.

Tim Stanley, executive director of Planned Parenthood Minnesota, North Dakota and South Dakota, said patients were still being seen at the clinic on Thursday.

Thursday marks the 36-year anniversary of Roe v. Wade. The Roe decision said that most laws against abortion in the U.S. violated constitutional rights to privacy.

K…here I go with my wee bit of WTF-age… WHY do men think they have to do anything like this?  Has this man ever had sex much less fathered a child?  Why does he think he needs to make a decision for the entire female species?!?  Hmmm?  Why?  Women have the RIGHT to make their own decisions about their bodies, reproduction and anything that dwells in there.  And YEAH I am PRO CHOICE!  Not pro abortion…pro choice…if a woman any woman even my own daughters feel that for their well-being that they need to abort a fetus…then so be it.  I will not ever stand in anyone’s way or stomp on their rights to make their own decisions about their bodies! Damn already…grow up and cope…we are ALL different and ALL have different beliefs…LIVE WITH IT!

Snomobiling takes an bloody turn!

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Friday January 9th 2008

WAUPACA, Wisconsin — Authorities plan to give an update Thursday on their investigation into the killing of several deer when snowmobilers herded and ran over them last weekend in Waupaca County.

Four deer were killed and another had to be euthanized after the incident believed to have happened Friday night in a field along a snowmobile trail south of Waupaca.

A reward fund for information leading to those responsible has grown to more than $10,000, most of it offered by snowmobile clubs.

Waupaca County Sheriff Brad Hardel and wardens with the state Department of Natural Resources scheduled a news conference Thursday afternoon to provide an update on the investigation.

State wildlife officials say a group of snowmobilers ran over five deer, killing four of them and severely injuring a fifth in what a warden calls a senseless act of cruelty.

Department of Natural Resources warden Ted Dremel said Monday no arrests have been made in the incident that occurred early Saturday morning about five miles south of Waupaca.

Dremel believes three or four snowmobiles were involved in what amounted to a roundup of deer in a farm field. Dremel says one deer was left tied to a tree and choked itself to death. Another deer had broken legs and was euthanized.

Dremel says five miles of snowmobile trails in area have been closed due to the carnage. Some snowmobile clubs have offered $4,000 in rewards for information leading to the arrest of those responsible.

According to Conat, investigators are hoping snowmobile parts recovered in the area will yield fingerprints and identifying information about at least one of the sleds.

Wednesday January 14th 2009

FOND DU LAC, Wis. — Investigators are trying to find a snowmobiler who ran over and killed 57 mallard ducks on a river near Fond du Lac Wisconsin.

The Department of Natural Resources says the ducks were killed Tuesday and found in a hole in the ice and on both sides of it in the Fond du Lac River.

Warden Supervisor George Protogere says it appears a single snowmobiler performed two passes of water skipping over the ice hole and hit the ducks. The warden calls the killer a person with no concern for life.

The incident comes as public outrage grows about another thrill killing near Waupaca. A group of snowmobilers herded and ran over five deer last weekend. Four were killed, and one was euthanized.

OK people…this is indeed another of those WTF news stories…One groups of idiots does something so stupid it’s unimaginable quickly followed by a 2nd group of idiots copying the 1st group…1st off hate to be sexist but if they catch these pukes…think any of them will be chicks?!?  Better yet…will any of these overachievers be people of color?  Yeah white boys with everything handed to them on a platter since they were fetuses in the pampered womb.   Gotta great idea boys…GET A JOB…GET A THOUGHT OF YOUR OWN…THEN GET A LIFE!

Just my feelings…

Oh and hey!  All you well behaved snowmobilers out there who follow the rules, and obey the laws…feel free to continue the snowmobiling!  There’s just a few of ya’ like in any population that are bad eggs and need to be weeded out…

Jazmin’s upcoming Surgery

Me & Jaz at the Delano park summer 2008squinty-yane-n-jazTomorrow Mom will be picking me and Jazmin up and taking us out to Waconia Ridgeview for Jazmins exploratory surgery to see what’s up with all the ovarian cysts and pain…Jaz just turned 18 last week…I tried to find out what time we need to be there but according to Hippa laws they can’t tell me…WTF…Jaz lives with me…I need to get her there… P whatever… I’ll call Jaz in a bit and have her call the Hospital and get the blinkin’ information… MAUDE IN HIMMEL I just faxed all of Jazmin’s pre-operative paperwork to the hospital…I was probably breaking the law there too…Cripes sake even!

OK Jazmin’s surgery is planned for 10:30 am…we need to be there at 9am, so dad will pick up Tab and Oliver at 6:30 and get them to work and daycare.  Mom will be at my house around 8:30am.  Supposedly check out for Jaz will be 1pm…we shall see.  Then Dad will pick up Tab and Oliver at 2pm and bring them home and drop off the car seat.  I plan to bring a bucket for Jaz in case her stomach ia unhappy.

More on Jazmin’s surgery:

Often called ‘belly button surgery’, laparoscopic surgery involves small (1/4 inch) incisions in the abdomen (usually three) through which major surgical procedures can be performed. The first of these incisions is made in the umbilicus (“belly button”). A laparoscope (something akin to a telescope) is placed through this incision and attached to a small videocamera. The video image is viewed on a television monitor in the operating room. By moving the laparoscope closer to the pelvic organs, magnification up to 6 X can be achieved.

After the laparoscope is placed through the umbilicus, two or three other small (1/4 inch) incisions are made in the abdomen, usually in or near the pubic hairline. Electrodes, lasers, instruments and sutures are passed through these incisions to complete the operation. These instruments are very small (from 1.5 to 4.5 millimeters in diameter).

The combination of small instruments and magnification enable surgical precision that is almost impossible to achieve at laparotomy. By comparison, there is no magnification of the operative field during laparotomy, and the surgeon’s hands and large surgical instruments obscure the operative field. The precision attained during laparoscopic surgery becomes extremely important when the gynecologist is treating endometriosis, adhesions, ovarian masses, and gynecologic cancer.

What is laparoscopic surgery

Laparoscopic surgery also referred to as minimally invasive surgery describes the performance of surgical procedures with the assistance of a video camera and several thin instruments. During the surgical procedure, small incisions of up to half an inch are made and plastic tubes called ports are placed through these incisions. The camera and the instruments are then introduced through the ports, which allow access to the inside of the patient.

The camera transmits an image of the organs inside the abdomen onto a television monitor. The surgeon is not able to see directly into the patient without the traditional large incision. The video camera becomes a surgeon’s eyes in laparoscopy surgery, since the surgeon uses the image from the video camera positioned inside the patient’s body to perform the procedure.

Benefits of minimally invasive or Laparoscopic procedures are

  • less post operative discomfort since the incisions are much smaller
  • quicker recovery times
  • shorter hospital stays
  • earlier return to full activities
  • much smaller scars
  • there may be less internal scarring when the procedures are performed in a minimally invasive fashion compared to standard open surgery.

Why there is pain after laparoscopic surgery?

Although laparoscopic surgery has very less post-operative pain compare to open procedure but it is wrong to think that laparoscopic surgery is a painless surgery. After Laparoscopic surgery patient sometimes may experience pain at the site of wound or in one or both of your shoulders. This is caused by irritating of diaphragm by carbon dioxide gas. This is very mild irritation. If you will tell your doctor about this problem than he will give you tramadol hydrochloride injection and pain will subside. There will also be some pain in the small incisions, which will also disappear after medication. Patient should avoid alcohol while taking pain medication. Within a few days, the pain should subside completely.